What you have to know when asking for help

日常工作生活中,我们常常会遇到一些自己没有办法解决的问题,懂得如何向别人求助无疑是一件非常重要的事情。向别人求助不但能让你把事情做成,而且能让你跟别人的关系变得更紧密,同时还可以展示你的上进心。

rì chánɡ ɡōnɡ zuò shēnɡ huó zhōnɡ,wǒ men chánɡ chánɡ huì yù dào yì xiē zì jǐ méi yǒu bàn fǎ jiě jué de wèn tí,dǒnɡ dé rú hé xiànɡ bié rén qiú zhù wú yí shì yí jiàn fēi chánɡ zhònɡ yào de shì qínɡ。xiànɡ bié rén qiú zhù bú dàn nénɡ rànɡ nǐ bǎ shì qínɡ zuò chénɡ,ér qiě nénɡ rànɡ nǐ ɡēn bié rén de ɡuān xi biàn de ɡènɡ jǐn mì,tónɡ shí hái ké yǐ zhǎn shì nǐ de shànɡ jìn xīn。 

In our daily life and  work, we often encounter problems that we cannot solve by ourselves. Knowing how to ask for help is undoubtedly a very important thing. Asking for help not only allows you to get things done, but also makes your relationship with others closer, and at the same time it can show your motivation.

那么,如何向别人求助更有效呢?今天我们就来聊聊这个话题。

nà me,rú hé xiànɡ bié rén qiú zhù ɡènɡ yǒu xiào ne?jīn tiān wǒ men jiù lái liáo liao zhè ɡe huà tí。  

So, how can it be more effective to ask others for help? Today we will talk about this topic.

01

求助前 Before asking for help

1、向别人开口前,要先看看自己是否尽力了。

xiànɡ bié rén kāi kǒu qián,yào xiān kàn kan zì jǐ shì fǒu jìn lì le。 

Before speaking to others, you must first see if you have tried your best. 

(1)如果自己已经尽力了还是不能解决问题,那你可以去张嘴请别人帮忙了。

rú ɡuǒ zì jǐ yǐ jīnɡ jìn lì le hái shì bù nénɡ jiě jué wèn tí,nà nǐ ké yǐ qù zhānɡ zuǐ qǐnɡ bié rén bānɡ mánɡ le。 

If you have tried your best and still cannot solve the problem, then you can ask others for help.

(2)如果自己并没有尽全力,最好还是自己先尝试解决问题,否则直接找别人帮忙会让对方觉得你不够努力。

rú ɡuǒ zì jǐ bìnɡ méi yǒu jìn quán lì,zuì hǎo hái shì zì jǐ xiān chánɡ shì jiě jué wèn tí,fǒu zé zhí jiē zhǎo bié rén bānɡ mánɡ huì rànɡ duì fānɡ jué de nǐ bú ɡòu nǔ lì。 

If you have not tried your best, you’d better try to solve the problem by yourself first, otherwise directly asking others for help will make them feel that you are not working hard enough.

2、要弄清楚你是要对方帮大忙还是小忙。

yào nònɡ qīnɡ chu nǐ shì yào duì fānɡ bānɡ dà mánɡ hái shì xiǎo mánɡ。 

Figure out whether you want the other person for a big favor or  just a small one.

(1)小忙就是那些朋友很容易就可以办到的事情,而且他不需要打乱自己原有的计划。比如你约好了客户,结果路上意外堵车,可能会迟到几分钟,你可以让同事先帮你接待一下客户。

xiǎo mánɡ jiù shì nà xiē pénɡ you hěn rónɡ yì jiù ké yǐ bàn dào de shì qínɡ,ér qiě tā bù xū yào dǎ luàn zì jǐ yuán yǒu de jì huà 。bǐ rú nǐ yuē hǎo le kè hù,jié ɡuǒ lù shanɡ yì wài dǔ chē,kě nénɡ huì chí dào jǐ fēn zhōnɡ,nǐ ké yǐ rànɡ tónɡ shì xiān bānɡ nǐ jiē dài yí xià kè hù。 

A small  favor is something that friends can do easily, and he doesn’t need to disrupt his original plan. For example, if you make an appointment with a customer, you may be late for a few minutes due to an accidental traffic jam. You can ask your colleagues to help you receive the customer first.

(2)大忙就是朋友需要打乱自己原有的计划来帮助你。这时候你就一定要先跟朋友提前说清楚,看朋友时间上是否方便。如果朋友愿意帮忙也要尽量尊重朋友的时间安排。不能因为自己而耽误朋友自己的事情。

dà mánɡ jiù shì pénɡ you xū yào dǎ luàn zì jǐ yuán yǒu de jì huà lái bānɡ zhù nǐ。zhè shí hou nǐ jiù yí dìnɡ yào xiān ɡēn pénɡ you tí qián shuō qīnɡ chu,kàn pénɡ you shí jiān shànɡ shì fǒu fānɡ biàn。rú ɡuǒ pénɡ you yuàn yì bānɡ mánɡ yě yào jǐn liànɡ zūn zhònɡ pénɡ you de shí jiān ān pái。bù nénɡ yīn wèi zì jǐ ér dān wu pénɡ you zì jǐ de shì qínɡ。 

A big favor is when a friend needs to disrupt his original plan to help you. At this time, you must first tell your friend clearly in advance to see if he is available. If he is willing to help, try to follow his schedule. Don’t let yourself hold up a friend’s business.

3、如果是工作的话,在请他人帮忙前,要先搞清楚这件事情是否可以让他人知道。避免泄露不该泄露的秘密。

rú ɡuǒ shì ɡōnɡ zuò de huà,zài qǐnɡ tā rén bānɡ mánɡ qián,yào xiān ɡǎo qīnɡ chu zhè jiàn shì qínɡ shì fǒu ké yǐ rànɡ tā rén zhī dào。bì miǎn xiè lòu bù ɡāi xiè lòu de mì mì。 

If it is about your work, before asking others for help, you must first figure out whether you can tell others so that you can avoid revealing secrets that should not be revealed.

4、如果你请朋友帮的忙正好是他的工作,一定要提前向他了解自己需要支付的费用。

rú ɡuǒ nǐ qǐnɡ pénɡ you bānɡ de mánɡ zhènɡ hǎo shì tā de ɡōnɡ zuò,yí dìnɡ yào tí qián xiànɡ tā liáo jiě zì jǐ xū yào zhī fù de fèi yonɡ。 

If  it happens to be your friend’s work, be sure to ask him in advance about the expenses you need to pay.




02

求助时 When asking for help

 

(1)如果是你的同事来帮忙,你可以问问他:你手头的事儿,有什么我可以帮你分担的吗?这样可以避免同事因为帮助你而耽误了他自己的工作。

rú ɡuǒ shì nǐ de tónɡ shì lái bānɡ mánɡ,nǐ ké yǐ wèn wèn tā:nǐ shǒu tóu de shìr,yǒu shén me wǒ ké yǐ bānɡ nǐ fēn dān de ma?zhè yànɡ ké yǐ bì miǎn tónɡ shì yīn wèi bānɡ zhù nǐ ér dān wu le tā zì jǐ de ɡōnɡ zuò。

If your colleague comes to help, you can ask him if there are anything you can do for him? It can prevent colleagues from delaying his own work because he helps you.

(2)你一定要向朋友或者同事清楚地说明你需要他们怎么帮助你,包括这件事的背景,你之前做了哪些努力,有哪些方面的问题是你解决不了的,你需要他帮你做的具体的事情是什么等。

nǐ yí dìnɡ yào xiànɡ pénɡ you huò zhě tónɡ shì qīnɡ chu de shuō mínɡ nǐ xū yào tā men zěn me bānɡ zhù nǐ,bāo kuò zhè jiàn shì de bèi jǐnɡ,nǐ zhī qián zuò le nǎ xiē nǔ lì,yǒu nǎ xiē fānɡ miàn de wèn tí shì nǐ jiě jué bù liǎo de,nǐ xū yào tā bānɡ nǐ zuò de jù tǐ de shì qínɡ shì shén me děnɡ。 

You must clearly explain to your friends or colleagues how you need them to help you, including the background of this matter, what efforts you have made before, and what aspects of the problem you cannot solve, and what do you exactly need him to help etc. 

(3)求助时要注意沟通的方式。

qiú zhù shí yào zhù yì ɡōu tōnɡ de fānɡ shì。 

Pay attention to the way of communication when asking for help.

* 能当面说就不要用电话,微信或者邮件。因为面对面请求朋友帮助一方面表现了你对朋友的尊重,另一方面也更容易得到朋友的帮助,毕竟朋友总不好意思当面拒绝你。

nénɡ dānɡ miàn shuō jiù bú yào yònɡ diàn huà,wēi xìn huò zhě yóu jiàn。yīn wèi miàn duì miàn qǐnɡ qiú pénɡ you bānɡ zhù yì fānɡ miàn biǎo xiàn le nǐ duì pénɡ you de zūn zhònɡ,lìnɡ yì fānɡ miàn yě ɡènɡ rónɡ yì dé dào pénɡ you de bānɡ zhù,bì jìnɡ pénɡ you zǒnɡ bù hǎo yì si dānɡ miàn jù jué nǐ。 

Don’t ask your friend through phone calls, WeChat messages or email if you can speak to him in person. On the one hand, asking your friend face to face shows your respect, and on the other hand, it is easier to get help from him . After all, friends always feel embarrassed to refuse you face to face.

* 求助时要节约对方的时间。你可以试试下面这个表达结构:

qiú zhù shí yào jié yuē duì fānɡ de shí jiān。nǐ ké yǐ shì shì xià mian zhè ɡe biǎo dá jié ɡòu: 

Save the other person’s time when asking for help. You can try the following expression structure:

1、先礼貌地征询朋友的同意:

xiān lǐ mào de zhēnɡ xún pénɡ you de tónɡ yì: 

Politely ask for the consent of friends:

* 我遇到了一个问题,想占用你几分钟请教下。你现在方便吗?

wǒ yù dào le yí ɡè wèn tí,xiǎnɡ zhàn yònɡ nǐ jǐ fēn zhōnɡ qǐnɡ jiào xià。nǐ xiàn zài fānɡ biàn ma? 

I have encountered a problem and would like to ask for your advice. Are you free now?

* 我有个问题想请教你,大概耽误你五分钟,不知道你什么时候方便?

wǒ yǒu ɡè wèn tí xiǎnɡ qǐnɡ jiào nǐ , dà ɡài dān wu nǐ wǔ fēn zhōnɡ , bù zhī dào nǐ shén me shí hou fānɡ biàn ? 

I have a question to ask you. It will take you about five minutes. I wonder when it will be convenient for you?

2、用最简短的话跟朋友说清楚你的问题是什么:我现在遇到的问题是……

yònɡ zuì jián duǎn de huà ɡēn pénɡ you shuō qīnɡ chu nǐ de wèn tí shì shén me:wǒ xiàn zài yù dào de wèn tí shì… … 

Tell your friend what your problem is in the briefest way: The problem I have now is…

3、告诉朋友你之前已经做了什么。

ɡào su pénɡ you nǐ zhī qián yǐ jīnɡ zuò le shén me。 

Tell your friends what you have done before.

4、告诉朋友你想让朋友帮你做什么,越具体越好:我想麻烦你帮我做……

ɡào su pénɡ you nǐ xiǎnɡ rànɡ pénɡ you bānɡ nǐ zuò shén me,yuè jù tǐ yuè hǎo:wǒ xiǎnɡ má fan nǐ bānɡ wǒ zuò … …  

Tell your friend what you want your friend to do for you, the more specific the better: I want to trouble you to  help me……

划重点 Highlights

1、最好在五分钟内讲清楚以上几个问题。

zuì hǎo zài wǔ fēn zhōnɡ nèi jiǎnɡ qīnɡ chu yǐ shànɡ jǐ ɡè wèn tí。 

It is best to clarify the above questions within five minutes.

2、在沟通中,要尽可能多问开放性问题,比如:

zài ɡōu tōnɡ zhōnɡ,yào jìn kě nénɡ duō wèn kāi fànɡ xìnɡ wèn tí ,bǐ rú :  

While communicating, ask as many open questions as possible, such as:

* 我想听听你的建议。

wǒ xiǎnɡ tīnɡ tinɡ nǐ de jiàn yì。 

I want to know your suggestions.

* 你觉得我怎么才能做得更好呢?

nǐ jué de wǒ zěn me cái nénɡ zuò de ɡènɡ hǎo ne?

How do you think I can do better?

3、别人给了你建议之后要记得用自己的话重复一遍,确保自己完全明白了。比如:

bié rén ɡěi le nǐ jiàn yì zhī hòu yào jì de yònɡ zì jǐ de huà chónɡ fù yí biàn,què bǎo zì jǐ wán quán mínɡ bai le。bǐ rú: 

Remember to repeat it in your own words after someone gives you advice to make sure you understand it completely. For example:

* 所以你的意思是……

suó yǐ nǐ de yì si shì … … 

So you mean…

* 所以你的建议是……

suó yǐ nǐ de jiàn yì shì … … 

So your suggestion is…

在跟朋友沟通完之后,如果朋友答应了我们的请求。我们常常会用一些客套话作为结束。

zài ɡēn pénɡ you ɡōu tōnɡ wán zhī hòu,rú ɡuǒ pénɡ you dā yìnɡ le wǒ men de qǐnɡ qiú。wǒ men chánɡ chánɡ huì yònɡ yì xiē kè tào huà zuò wéi jié shù。 

After communicating with a friend, we often finish our conversation with some kind words if he agrees to help. 

下面我想来跟大家分享一下中国人求助时常用的一些客套话:

xià miɑn wǒ xiǎnɡ lái ɡēn dà jiā fēn xiǎnɡ yí xià zhōnɡ ɡuó rén qiú zhù shí chánɡ yònɡ de yì xiē kè tào huà: 

I would like to share some kind words that Chinese people often use when asking for help:

1、麻烦。这个词是在向人求助时很常用的词。

má fan。zhè ɡe cí shì zài xiànɡ rén qiú zhù shí hěn chánɡ yònɡ de cí。  

Trouble. This word is a very common word when asking for help.

*麻烦你了。这个句子表达了你对对方的感激,说明你觉得对方人不错,乐意帮助你。

má fan nǐ le。zhè ɡe jù zi biǎo dá le nǐ duì duì fānɡ de ɡǎn jī,shuō mínɡ nǐ jué de duì fānɡ rén bú cuò,lè yì bānɡ zhù nǐ。 

Sorry to bother you. This sentence expresses your gratitude to the other person, indicating that you think he is really nice and willing to help you.

*给你添麻烦了。这个句子含有一定的歉意,说明你觉得因为你给朋友造成了一定的困扰或者带来了一定的麻烦。

ɡěi nǐ tiān má fan le。zhè ɡe jù zi hán yǒu yí dìnɡ de qiàn yì,shuō mínɡ nǐ jué de yīn wèi nǐ ɡěi pénɡ you zào chénɡ le yí dìnɡ de kùn rǎo huò zhě dài lái le yí dìnɡ de má fan。 

I’m causing you trouble. This sentence contains a certain amount of apology, indicating that you feel that you have caused some trouble to your friends.

2、拜托。这件事就拜托你了。有一种把这件事全盘交给对方的意思,强烈希望对方可以把事情办成。

bài tuō。zhè jiàn shì jiù bài tuō nǐ le。yǒu yì zhǒnɡ bǎ zhè jiàn shì quán pán jiāo ɡěi duì fānɡ de yì si,qiánɡ liè xī wànɡ duì fānɡ ké yǐ bǎ shì qínɡ bàn chénɡ。 

Please. Please help me for it. There is a sense of entrusting the whole thing to the other party, and strongly hope that he can get things done.

3、打扰了。这个句子常常用于你请一个陌生人或者关系不太近的人帮忙。

dá rǎo le。zhè ɡe jù zi chánɡ chánɡ yònɡ yú nǐ qǐnɡ yí ɡè mò shēnɡ rén huò zhě ɡuān xi bú tài jìn de rén bānɡ mánɡ。

Thank you for your time. This sentence is often used when you ask a stranger or someone whose relationship is not very close  to you.

4、辛苦你了。可以用来感谢朋友愿意花时间和精力来帮助你。

xīn kǔ nǐ le。ké yǐ yònɡ lái ɡǎn xiè pénɡ you yuàn yì huā shí jiān hé jīnɡ lì lái bānɡ zhù nǐ。 

Thanks for your hard work. It can be used to thank friends for taking the time and energy to help you.

03

求助后 After asking for help

(1)如果朋友帮了你一个忙,那么你一定要记得马上表示对朋友的感谢,比如说当天就给朋友买一杯咖啡,请朋友吃个饭什么的,就算只是真诚地跟朋友说声“感谢”也是可以的。

rú ɡuǒ pénɡ you bānɡ le nǐ yí ɡè mánɡ,nà me nǐ yí dìnɡ yào jì de mǎ shànɡ biǎo shì duì pénɡ you de ɡǎn xiè, bǐ rú shuō dānɡ tiān jiù ɡěi pénɡ you mǎi yì bēi kā fēi,qǐnɡ pénɡ you chī ɡè fàn shén me de,jiù suàn zhǐ shì zhēn chénɡ de ɡēn pénɡ you shuō shēnɡ “ ɡǎn xiè ” yě shì ké yǐ de。 

If your friend did you a favor, you must remember to express your gratitude immediately. For example, buy a cup of coffee for him on the same day, invite him to have a meal  together, it’s also OK  that you just sincerely say “Thank you” .

(2)当朋友帮了你忙之后出现了问题,你要第一时间对这个事情负责,不能就此甩锅,因为你的朋友只是帮你忙,而你才是那个责任人,绝对不能让帮助你的人受连累。

dānɡ pénɡ you bānɡ le nǐ mánɡ zhī hòu chū xiàn le wèn tí,nǐ yào dì yī  shí jiān duì zhè ɡe shì qínɡ fù zé,bù nénɡ jiù cǐ shuǎi ɡuō,yīn wèi nǐ de pénɡ you zhǐ shì bānɡ nǐ mánɡ,ér nǐ cái shì nà ɡè zé rèn rén,jué duì bù nénɡ rànɡ bānɡ zhù nǐ de rén shòu lián lèi。 

When a friend helps you and problems arise after that , you have to take the responsibility and  should not shirk your responsibility, because your friend is only helping you, and you are the person in charge. Never let those who help you suffer.

(3)如果你已经提前跟朋友说好了相关费用,一定要在事情结束之后及时主动支付费用。

rú ɡuǒ nǐ yǐ jīnɡ tí qián ɡēn pénɡ you shuō hǎo le xiānɡ ɡuān fèi yonɡ,yí dìnɡ yào zài shì qínɡ jié shù zhī hòu jí shí zhǔ dònɡ zhī fù fèi yonɡ。 

If you have already talked to your friends about the relevant expenses in advance, you must proactively pay the expenses in time.

(4)饭不是一口吃饱的,人情不是一天就能还的。如果朋友帮了你一个忙的话。你一定要记在心里,在朋友需要你帮助的时候也去毫不犹豫去帮助他。大家的关系也会在这互帮互助中变得亲密了。

fàn bú shì yì kǒu chī bǎo de, rén qínɡ bú shì yì tiān jiù nénɡ hái de。rú ɡuǒ pénɡ you bānɡ le nǐ yí ɡè mánɡ de huà。nǐ yí dìnɡ yào jì zài xīn lǐ,zài pénɡ you xū yào nǐ bānɡ zhù de shí hou yě qù háo bù yóu yù qù bānɡ zhù tā。dà jiā de ɡuān xi yě huì zài zhè hù bānɡ hù zhù zhōnɡ biàn de qīn mì le。 

You can not be full in one bite, and favors cannot be paid in one day. If a friend did you a favor. You must remember it in your heart and help your friend without hesitation when he needs your help. Your relationship will also become intimate while helping each other.

Why do we need to work on weekends before or after holidays?

Stop Saying “你好”!

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